Can You Release Your "Shoulds?"

Happy Monday! I must admit that I'm cheating a bit by writing this post today -- it's the first day of my vacation. I should be relaxing. Or maybe not -- maybe my action fits well with the theme of this post: releasing your "shoulds." What am I talking about?

All the times you say to yourself: "I should have done ..." or "I shouldn't have done ..." Often, these self-talk statements lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety about a situation. And, by saying them, you can't change the situation (because we can't change the past -- try as hard as we might!). So, you've made yourself feel upset and stressed out.

What if, instead, you gave yourself permission to re-examine the situation and think of how you might do things differently in the future?

Last week, I had a conversation about this with Rebecca White, host of Heal Yourself Talk Radio. We talked about how “releasing the shoulds” can help you reduce guilt and manage your emotional responses to stress. We also discussed being more aware of your behavior patterns and recognizing their impact on your responses to stress. Our conversation is available for download from my Gcast podcast site and also accessible on Rebecca's website.

So, if I apply my approach to today -- I'm going to release my shoulds ("I should have worked longer last Friday and written this post then.") and accept that I'm blogging today. I will not feel guilty about sharing my experience with my blog community. I'd already made a mental note that I would wrap up a few loose biz ends today before embarking on my break. It's OK and I'm OK! :)

NEW Podcast with Stress Management Tips

I'm having what could be considered a stressful moment due to the storm in New York City last night -- limited subway service, 20-minute delay in car service, possible re-scheduling of a prospect meeting. But, I'm taking it all in stride and am using this "free" moment to let you know about my NEW podcast on managing your stress.

I recently was interviewed by Tim Mulvaney, founder of the Mulvaney Group. His company's mission is to "help fix the unfixable via Courageous Conversations." We talked about how our perception of stressful situations can sometimes heighten the stress we experience. The podcast has been uploaded to my Gcast site, and is also available to download from Tim's website. Also on his website is a downloadable copy of the Stress Coping Skills Ladder -- a tip sheet I created to help you monitor how you respond to stress (from counterproductive activities through to problem solving).

So, I'm trying to take my own advice now and stay at the top of the ladder -- focusing on making sure everyone I'm supposed to meet is aware that I might be late; checking email to see if my afternoon meeting has actually been cancelled; and blogging. You know, the actual act of writing this down seems to be calming me ... I think! :) ... Gotta go and call the car service!

Come Be a "Social-light" at Tavern on the Green

Want to experience ultimate networking at New York City's ultimate restaurant? Then, join me tomorrow (August 7) at Tavern on the Green from 7:00 - 11:30 PM.

The outdoor patio at Tavern on the Green is an urban oasis in the heart of Manhattan. What better venue to learn more about our Stress Management and Career Development programs? Hear from representatives of NYC's top social and personal growth organizations in a casual and fun atmosphere.

Tavern on the Green -- Outdoor Patio

West 67th Street & Central Park West

7:00 - 11:30 pm

$10 admission for prizes, specially-priced drinks/food and fun people!

Tips from Coaching & Mentoring Session: Part 2

No, you're not seeing double. This is another post about the Coaching & Mentoring session. In my last message, I forgot to give a shout-out to ANOTHER live blogger at our workshop. Also capturing thoughts, ideas and best practices was Barbara Rozgonyi, PR expert and Founder of CoryWest Media. Click HERE to read her post.

Being the marketing extraordinaire she is, Barbara's feed from the session was also picked up by another cool resource: Real Smart Women Mentorship Network. Thanks, Barbara!

Get Notes from the Coaching & Mentoring Session

I mentioned earlier that there were live bloggers who attended sessions at the BlogHer conference. These were some fast-typin', super-listenin' gals who basically transcribed what people were saying. At our Coaching & Mentoring session, our super-fast-blogger was Shannon McKarney, Proprietess (don't you just love that title!) of the ThreeSeven blog. Thanks, Shannon!

So, click HERE to get the transcript from our session. It will almost be like you were there because Shannon managed to capture our thoughts and audience interaction. You'll get to meet Elizabeth Perry (teacher & mentor), Liz Strauss (blog resource expert) and Wendy Piersall (home business expert). I shared results from the survey on Coaching & Mentoring. Liz and Wendy discussed their experience mentoring each other. And, we all shared tips on how to find mentors and define the mentoring relationship.

There was also some discussion about what to do when the coaching or mentoring relationship is NOT working. Read more ...

I'm Giving Broads an Advantage on Aug. 6

I'm excited that I've put the finishing touches on my 10 Tips to Make Your Net -- Work presentation. On Monday, August 6, I'll be speaking to a group of fantastic undergrad "broads" who are participating in the Broad Advantage summer program.

Broad Advantage is a one-week immersion in the professional world. My session on Networking is just one of many offered by fellow 85 Broad members and other dynamic speakers to help prepare these women for leadership and career success. We get to share tips and exchange ideas with 120+ college women who were accepted to participate in either the NYC or Los Angeles program.

This is just one of the many fantastic programs created by Janet Hanson (former leader at Goldman Sachs -- hence the name of the organization, which is the NYC address) and her team at 85 Broads. Founded in 1999 as a network for current and former GS female professionals, 85 Broads now has over 17,000 members worldwide. Their mission:

85 Broads is for women who appreciate the importance of relationships and who use every opportunity to leverage their own powerful networks on behalf of other women all over the world.

I can't wait to be make some great, new connections on August 6!

The Coach is In ... but Should I be?

After attending the BlogHer conference and hearing about the benefits of keeping it real on my blog, I'm deciding to share this quick anecdote.

So, it's about 6:30 pm EDT and I'm still in the office. Not late by any stretch of the imagination ... especially for a business owner. But, the reason is that a previously-scheduled meeting with a colleague was cancelled due to a family emergency. Why am I sharing? Because I actually felt guilty about shutting down / closing shop -- even though I'm prepared for my client meeting tomorrow afternoon.

Sure, there are many other things on my plate for NEXT week (a combo of prep for presentations, trainer interviews, meetings and even a quick out-of-county trip). What was my aha moment? I wouldn't have been able to do any of those things tonight because I would have been focusing on meeting with my colleague! So, why did I feel compelled to keep working when this time had already been "booked?"

Why couldn't I re-assign this time to ME-TIME? There was this tiny voice inside my head (we talk about self-talk in the Stress Management program) saying: "Maybe you can get ahead and do a little more." When, honestly, the thought of editing my presentation at this moment seems daunting because I'm not as fresh with ideas as I know I can be.

Last night on Life Coach TV, Marianna and I talked about ways to find balance. I've blogged here before about the challenges of "unplugging." And, I talk with Simone and her listeners on Own Your Power about ME-TIME. If nothing else, this proves to you that no one (not even your coach) is perfect. We all struggle to juggle our responsibilities.

Ok, so after this, I'm going to print a couple of invoices and then sign off ... promise! :)

Women Bloggers Rock!

I've just returned to New York from the BlogHer conference in Chicago and am INSPIRED and REJUVENATED! I met so many fabulous women bloggers that I couldn't keep count.

Keep an eye out on this blog for feedback and tips from my session on Coaching & Mentoring (they had live bloggers at the conference who captured key points from all the sessions!).

Also, keep an eye on the blogroll, as I'll be reviewing blogs of the women that I met and will add those I think are relevant to this community.

QUICK REMINDER: Tomorrow night (July 30, 8:00 PM EDT), I'll be chatting with Dr. Marianna Lead on Life Coach TV, a prime time live cable show in Manhattan that introduces people to the field of coaching. Tune in to learn more about my coaching practice and how I work with clients online at: http://www.mnn.org.

Be Well & Look Great on Thursday, July 26!

Ladies, if you're going to be in New York City on Thursday, July 26, I invite you to relax, network and socialize at our Girl's Night of Mojitos and Makeovers!

BeWell, Meet Market Adventures and Fashion Junkie invite you to

MOJITOS & MAKEOVERS

Thursday, July 26, 2007

from 7:00 - 9:30 PM

at Madame X

Three fabulous makeover artists (including Sephora's manager Amy Edelman) will be on-hand to give tips and makeovers.

For more information and to RSVP, visit: http://www.bewellliving.com/event_july26_girlsnight.html

Why I'm Not a "Cookie-Cutter" Coach

I recently met someone who asked me to share my Top 5 tips for reducing stress. (I'd already told the person that I am a Career & Stress Management coach; so, it wasn't actually that far-fetched). However, he became a bit miffed when I paused to think. Perhaps too many nights watching Dave Letterman's Top 10 Lists?

"Why can't you just come up with five "simple" tips?"

When I suggested that it wasn't that easy, my new acquaintance decided to describe a person-in-need to "help" me respond: "The person works 60-hours per week, has two kids at home, and is stressed by the competing work-life demands." OK, now we're getting somewhere!

I paused and asked: Is the person a man or a woman? "He is a man." As I was about to ask my next question (Does he own the business or does he work for someone else?), my friend lost it. "How hard can this be? I know the answers. For ME, it would be ..." That's when I realized -- I'm not a cookie-cutter coach!

Could I have shared five generic stress reduction tips? Absolutely! However, I attempted to ask questions so that I could learn more about the "person" and be able to share ideas that would be relevant and helpful. That's how I approach all aspects of my work, whether it's consulting, training or coaching. I ask questions to learn about my client's needs -- to get into their world -- so that I can provide informed feedback or resources.

We are all unique and, therefore, we experience stress in different ways. Responses to work-life demands vary between men and women. The work-life challenges of business owners are typically different than those of employees. It's with this knowledge that I resist providing cookie-cutter responses!

OK, I get it (I'm a New Yorker). You're still waiting for my Top 5 tips. I can share what often works for me:

1. Listening to music
2. Talking to someone from my "right people, right energy" team
3. Changing my setting/perspective
4. Aromatherapy candles
5. Positive self-talk

What works for you? :)

Colette Joins BeWellLiving.com!

I'm excited to announce that I've recently joined the team of contributors to BeWellLiving.com! What is BeWell?

BeWell's mission is to empower people to take control of looking great and feeling great -- for life! We do this by offering a wide range of programs and events to make wellness accessible to the community at-large. We believe in educating and empowering people to take progressive steps to improving their health. The founders have created a collective of wellness professionals who will provide tips in six key areas:

1. MIND


2. BODY


3. SOUL


4. LIVING SPACE


5. MONEY & CAREER


6. LIFE & FUN

I'll be sharing tips from the Competent Advantage TM program under the "Money & Career" section. I'll also be providing Stress Management information under the "Soul" section of BeWell.

Take a peek at the *new* website and learn more about Member-only benefits (special offers and cool discounts). Have a great week -- BE WELL!

Coach vs. Mentor: How do you choose?

Happy Monday to all!
I’m doing a little research to learn more about what motivates people to hire coaches as opposed to (or in addition to) seeking advice from mentors.

At the end of the month, I'll be leading a workshop on Coaching & Mentoring at the BlogHer ’07 conference (a cool gathering of bloggers from across the country). To help prepare for the session, I’ve created two brief surveys (no more than 6 questions) to hear from both “sides of the fence,” and I’d love to receive your input!

• If you ARE a coach, then take this survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=URexpjd5p_2fj3S510ZtWvcw_3d_3d
• If you have RECEIVED HELP from a mentor OR a coach, then take this survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=5OvyjyZBWyGvRjJz2hyGPQ_3d_3d

By the way, you can learn more about the session and how to register for BlogHer at: http://blogher.org/node/19422

Thanks, and have a great week!

Can You Really Unplug?

With today's much-anticipated release of the iPhone, I’m left to wonder: do we really need another communication device that helps us talk while we surf the Internet, listen to music, email our boss, and download the latest crazy video from YouTube? You all know I’m the queen of multi-tasking; but have we gone a bit over the top?

It’s so easy to get information and stay connected these days. As an entrepreneur, I recognize how important it is to stay in touch – with clients, colleagues, as well as friends and family. As a stress management coach, however, I often wonder how our wireless tools truly impact our ability to manage and reduce our stress. Do we really need to be reachable anytime, anywhere?

How often do you spend during the day without any communication devices? Could you make it through one day device-free? I’m talking about no phone, no mP3 player, no laptop, no TV, no PDA, no computer. Maybe it’s not a practical suggestion; but I invite you to take me up on my challenge for as long as you could stand it.

What would you do with all that silence? How about quieting your mind? It’s a quick stress-reducing exercise. Want to learn how? When you can, find a quiet space and then:

1. Close your eyes and slowly relax your limbs to let go of the tension in your muscles.
2. Slowly breathe in and out to the count of four.
3. As you breathe slowly and relax your limbs, focus on a word such as calm, sky, ocean or peace.
4. Concentrate your mental energy on your word as you continue deep breathing. If other thoughts come to mind, let them pass through. Refocus on your word and continue to breathe and relax.

When you’re ready, slowly open your eyes. You should feel refreshed and relaxed!

New Look & Feel

Summer greetings to all!

As you can see, the Competent AdvantageTM community has a new look and feel. We've updated the site with some fun new features including:

1. ClickComments are those icons that will now appear at the bottom of each post. If you don't feel like writing a long soliloquy, you can click on the icon that best matches your feelings about the post.
2. Blog Archive is a more organized way of keeping track of previous posts. I'll also continue to use labels so you can find posts that match your interests.
3. Blogroll will keep a running list of our favorite blogs. If you have a blog that you think would be of interest to our community, send me the link and I'll check it out. Then, we can talk about exchanging links to add you to our blogroll.

Summer promises to be busy here at InStep. I have two summer associates (Farjana -- Brooklyn College & Julie -- Teachers College/Columbia) who are working on our training programs as they get an inside peek into the world of consulting.

Stay tuned for updates on July events -- another ME TIME segment on Own Your Power Radio and my panel discussion on Coaching & Mentoring at the BlogHer conference in Chicago!

Stressed about Getting Downsized? Tune in to Own Your Power TONIGHT at 8:00 PM EDT

TONIGHT, I'll be back "on the air" on the Own Your Power Radio show during the ME TIME segment. Once again, I'll be chatting with Own Your Power host Simone Kelly Brown. This time, we'll be discussing tips for dealing with the stress of career transitions -- when you need to make moves in or out of the workforce.

If these are issues you're facing now (or will be in the near future), tune in tonight at 8:00 PM EDT. You can either listen online for live streaming, or if you're in the Miami area, listen to NewsTalk WTPS Radio at 1080 on your AM dial.

You can also call us with your questions at: 877-825-1080. Visit: http://www.wtps1080am.com

I'm Back ... Mea Culpa & Update

I've been remiss in writing, and I apologize. I hope you'll indulge me and let me share an update of what I've been working on -- in the hopes that you'll forgive my absence! :)

May was a whirlwind full of exciting consulting projects (Public Speaking Course for at-risk youth & Business Writing Course for rating analysts) and two speaking engagements.

Flowing out of the Create a Buzz! component of Competent Advantage TM, I delivered two presentations on the Art of Self Promotion. The first was for the Manhattan Chapter of the National Coalition of 100 Black Women as part of their annual Re-Tooling spring seminar. And, I've just returned from Richmond, VA after speaking at the 33rd Annual National Conference sponsored by the Urban Financial Services Coalition.

The great part about being offline for a bit was the opportunity to meet some of you and hear first-hand some of the challenges you're facing related to self-marketing and creating a buzz. I'd like to bring a few of them back online to this community and invite your thoughts and comments, particularly in response to the following:

When we market ourselves and our ideas is their a difference in perception (especially along the Passive --> Aggressive continuum) depending on our:

• Gender
• Ethnicity/Culture
• Geography

These items may seem obvious; however, I'm interested in your opinions and experiences. I was reminded of the last issue (geography) near the beginning of my presentation in Richmond, as participants shared experiences of how not "standing out" can be an asset in a more southern environment. As a New Yorker, I wasn't expecting that response; but the discussion was interesting and informative.

So, what do you think? What challenges have you had with promoting your ideas in the workplace? Any successes to report?

Network with Me in NYC: April 28, 7:00 PM

Hello everyone! Here's info on an upcoming event in the New York area.

• Want to meet FUN urban professionals?
• Want to talk with ME about Career Development or Stress Management coaching?
• Want to learn about FUN, getaway ideas to ease your stress?

If you answered YES to one or more of the above, join me this SATURDAY, APRIL 28 at the New York Networking, Introductions & Activities Expo!

DATE: Saturday, April 28, 2007

TIME: 7-10 PM for Expo. 10 PM - 1 AM for Party

LOCATION: Columbus 72 at 246A Columbus Avenue at 72nd Street (Next to China Fun restaurant)
ADMISSION: $15 includes: Expo admission, complimentary beverage, light snacks and admission to DJ dance party

MORE: Following the Expo the exhibitors will take down their tables, and you are invited to stay for a night of DJ dancing at New York's Newest Fun dance club -- Columbus 72.

Over 20 top organizations specializing in bringing busy NY professionals together for fun, friendships, business and romance will be on hand with staff, displays and information for you. This includes: New York Social Network, Social Circles, Club Getaway, The Lunch Club, and
Meet Market Adventures.

For a full list of exhibitors, visit http://www.nyexpo.net.
SEE YOU ON SATURDAY!!

Stressed Out? Get Tips on April 15, 8:00 PM EDT

Hello everyone, hope you had a great holiday! I apologize that it's been so long since I've written. We've been busy planning exciting events to help you have a fun, balanced, productive second quarter!

On Sunday, April 15, I'll be sharing tips on dealing with stress on the Own Your Power Radio Show. After you file your taxes, tune in at 8:00 PM EDT -- either online for live streaming or NewsTalk WTPS 1080 AM in Miami! During the ME TIME segment, I'll be chatting with host Simone Kelly-Brown about how to manage your multiple roles and deal with stressful work and life events.

DID YOU KNOW that April has been designated Stress Awareness Month? Sponsored by The Health Resource Network (HRN), a non-profit health education organization, Stress Awareness Month is a national, cooperative effort to inform people about the dangers of stress, successful coping strategies, and harmful misconceptions about stress that are prevalent in our society.

Tune in April 15 online (http://www.wtps1080am.com/) at 8:00 PM EDT!

Call in with your questions about stress! 877-825-1080

"Reduce Stress-Focus Energy" March 27 at 8:00PM

On Tuesday, March 27, 2007 at 8:00-9:00 pm we invite everybody to join our FREE Stress Management teleclass. Learn practical problem-solving and relaxation techniques to help you deal with stressful work and life events. Want to reduce your stress and focus your energy on what's really important? Then, sign up NOW

http://stress-management-intro.eventbrite.com

Free Career Development Teleclass March 21 at 8:00 PM

Hi everyone, believe it or not, we're almost through the first quarter of the year and I`m excited to announce a FREE introductory teleclass on Career Development. Learn how to develop an action-oriented career strategy and create a compelling professional pitch to get the job you really want on Wednesday, March 21, 2007 at 8:00 - 9:00 PM

Don't miss out -- Register NOW!
http://competent-advantage-intro.eventbrite.com