Can a Successful Career Woman Juggle Work, Life & Dating Without Making Sacrifices?

Last Thursday, I participated in a coaching panel sponsored by the City Tech Alumni Association called Today's Woman: Your Life, Career & Outfit to help women define their personal style and boost their confidence.

Source: citytech.cuny.edu via Coach_Colette on Pinterest

We received a number of questions from women at the event about how to navigate their careers, balance work-life commitments, find mentors and just stay motivated! I thought I'd share a few of the questions and my responses here on the blog so that you too can benefit -- and start Q4 off with a bang!

Q: "I recently read an article about women not being able to 'have it all.' How can a successful, young career woman juggle work life and dating without sacrificing one or the other?"

A from Coach Colette:

* Get clear ... and be HONEST about your priorities; and then, don't judge yourself for having them -- in whatever way and in whatever order they show up for you. Your priorities WILL change over time -- figure out what they are for you right now.
* When you choose actions that align with your priorities, you will feel more comfortable and less conflicted, because you are being true to yourself -- working in the direction of your desires, dreams and goals.
* When you choose actions that contradict your priorities, you will feel uncomfortable or even guilty because there is a part of you (deep inside; yes, it's that voice) that realizes you’re not honoring what you truly want.
* Once you've honestly defined your priorities, take a look at your schedule for the last 2 weeks. Does your schedule reflect your priorities; i.e., do you allocate time to the people and the tasks that are most important to you? Whatever answers you learn from reviewing your schedule, again, don't judge -- just observe.
* Set the intention to spend more time with the most important people (e.g., family, friends, significant other, or whomever you choose), and to start spending more time working on the most important activities that you find valuable and that contribute to your priorities. In the beginning, you may only be able to make small changes in your schedule, and that's OK. In Covey speak, we call that living "above the line" -- starting to focus more of your attention on activities and people that are important to you and your goals.
* Minimize time you spend on non-important activities (e.g., putting out fires or responding to interruptions) and avoid potential "time wasters" or excessive "escape" activities -- the time wasters and escape activities are different for everyone; figure out what they are for you.
* And, perhaps most important, as you begin to make these changes, talk to the most important people in your life, including the person you're dating, who will be affected by changes in how you will spend your time -- don't do this in a vacuum, share your reasoning and let them know why you're making the changes. Let them know how it can benefit them as you become more fulfilled and excited about what's going on in your life.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on my suggestions. What's your take on "having it all?" What have you tried to keep a good balance between your business/career and your personal interests?

Comment here on the blog or tweet me on Twitter. And, keep an eye out as I answer more career and life questions from the discussion.

Disconnect Anxiety - Is it Real?

I stumbled on this article on the MSN Tech & Gadgets site and thought it would be a good topic to discuss in this my 2008 Year of Technology. I've posted before about the challenges of "unplugging" from our tech gadgets. And, I've even discussed the potential upsides of staying connected. Yet, I didn't know that there's now a phrase that describes the challenge -- Disconnect Anxiety.

You know it's serious stuff when there's talk of adding it (tech-related compulsion) to the updated manual of psychiatric disorders. This would be the dangerous level when the desire to stay connected overwhelms someone to the point it significantly impacts personal and professional relationships. It suggests that the compulsion to check email or text or "Twitter" others would be as strong as the pull people may feel from food or other controlled substances.

I do know that I'm a bit fascinated with my new laptop because of its newer features and software. I like the fact that I can check email on my BlackBerry when I'm on the road. And, to be honest, I felt a bit guilty when I couldn't check in or post to the blog when I was in St. Maarten as I said I would [I don't have international coverage yet]. Although speaking as a stress management coach, I don't believe I need an intervention just yet. I do manage to find some balance -- e.g., my BlackBerry doesn't chirp or buzz when I have a new email [OK, really b/c I didn't know how to change the setting at first]; I typically don't answer business email at night unless I've been out of the office all day.

What struck me most, perhaps, was the almost Catch-22 nature of our social networking tools and sites [including, GULP, this blog?!]. Could it be that the very systems we're creating to stay in touch and build networks are actually facilitating the problem? What do you think?

The Coach is In ... but Should I be?

After attending the BlogHer conference and hearing about the benefits of keeping it real on my blog, I'm deciding to share this quick anecdote.

So, it's about 6:30 pm EDT and I'm still in the office. Not late by any stretch of the imagination ... especially for a business owner. But, the reason is that a previously-scheduled meeting with a colleague was cancelled due to a family emergency. Why am I sharing? Because I actually felt guilty about shutting down / closing shop -- even though I'm prepared for my client meeting tomorrow afternoon.

Sure, there are many other things on my plate for NEXT week (a combo of prep for presentations, trainer interviews, meetings and even a quick out-of-county trip). What was my aha moment? I wouldn't have been able to do any of those things tonight because I would have been focusing on meeting with my colleague! So, why did I feel compelled to keep working when this time had already been "booked?"

Why couldn't I re-assign this time to ME-TIME? There was this tiny voice inside my head (we talk about self-talk in the Stress Management program) saying: "Maybe you can get ahead and do a little more." When, honestly, the thought of editing my presentation at this moment seems daunting because I'm not as fresh with ideas as I know I can be.

Last night on Life Coach TV, Marianna and I talked about ways to find balance. I've blogged here before about the challenges of "unplugging." And, I talk with Simone and her listeners on Own Your Power about ME-TIME. If nothing else, this proves to you that no one (not even your coach) is perfect. We all struggle to juggle our responsibilities.

Ok, so after this, I'm going to print a couple of invoices and then sign off ... promise! :)